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I took a picture a few days ago that I promptly deleted 5 minutes later from my Instagram feed. It felt like too personal a picture in some ways, too full of meaning and yet, it also doesn't mean a thing to anyone else but me. 

Want to see the picture? 

See? Nothing too worrying there other than some clutter in the middle if our living room. They say a picture can say a thousand words and this one has plenty. It's the meaning behind it that caused a friction inside of me about how much I wanted to share and what I think I want to write about now that I've started documenting moments like this in my life. 

Firstly there was a sideboard in the middle of my living room. It's a lovely white side board that a fab friend rescued from being dumped and other friends brought to live with us. It sparked a cascade effect....

When we moved in just over a year ago, I had visions of lovingly creating a home for the Playful Baby to be welcomed into. I would sand down and paint this shabby dresser also captured in the photo. I would knit cardigans for her for each season (note the cluttered knitting baskets). Our house would be a calm and creative place. 

A year later the dresser is fine as it is, thank you. The cardigans? No. The sideboard? Helping to rehome various things that means we can finally get the last boxes unpacked. Yes, a year on we are still unpacking. Mind you I should explain a little more. We have packed and unpacked a grand total of EIGHT TIMES. 

Yes really. 

Our lovely house sprang leaks and we needed some pretty major bathroom sorting before little one even arrived so we unpacked and repacked as builders came and tore down and plastered and tweaked. In the meantime I went in to hospital and held tight- this was one impatient baby! Our little home was suddenly a cause for huge anxiety and we began to panic that we might bring our baby home to rubble!

With the support of wonderful friends and family we were ready just in time for the Playful Baby's early arrival and we hoped to restart on other work once we got the hang of things a bit. In the meantime we set about learning how to best care for a rather active and curious little one. It wasn't calmer but it wasn't rubble that's for sure.

Leaks have an annoying habit of causing damage and worse still, returning. Then there's the neglected hardwood floors that suddenly I decided were a 'death trap' the minute little one got remotely mobile. Suddenly we were back into this urgent state again and what's more with a baby. As combinations go, I can assure you, this is not a great one.

So the end result has been 8 sessions of packing and shifting of furniture and please let's not forget the clean up operation every time. It's been quite a year. 

So we stand at a point where I have declared my sanity can only be saved by unpacking every last box and finishing house projects for 2013. This sideboard meant we now have a functional living room and in turn the loft room can now be sorted till a time when we have the time/ energy/ funds to address it fully. In the mean time, functional will suffice. Cardboard mazes won't. 

That magazine on top of the sideboard? That's me planning for playful times: baking and cooking. Food remains a tricksy issue with PB still struggling with a poor digestion when it comes to dairy. We're getting there and now I'm testing the waters for us both. (Not rewarding myself with super ice creams has been tough, let me tell you).

So this picture tells a tale of a playful woman pushed very hard this year. That's why it felt raw and weird and not really blog worthy. I'm sharing it anyway because you know what? It IS personal........ it's either me or those flipping boxes. Today, I'm going to unpack another. I AM!

Betty Blue

Today I moved Betty Blue, my much loved snowball microphone, to a higher shelf and away from curious little fingers. I sighed as I did so and thought about the thing on my To Do list that just keeps finding itself back at the bottom. I've tried several times to set aside the time, rewritten show notes countless times and stated 'I am going to record' in various tweets and blog posts in the hope that sheer determinism alone will get it done. It's not happening.

Today as I sit exhausted and praying my fiesty daughter sleeps as much as possible, I feel sad at my lost podcast. I miss sharing news and the interaction that came from it. I can't believe I really haven't recorded since March.

It's becoming another thing with which to torture myself with though. As a self employed mum of a more than slightly lively 10 month old I should realise time just evaporates. It's hard enough to find time to buy bread some days and yet I'm filling Pinterest with all the sewing projects I want to make and will get to write after I learn to actually see, obviously. My grasp on how gentle to be to myself has never been that good you see. 

I'm grinding myself into a dead end. Today I'm so tired I had to narrate making a cup of tea as I couldn't follow the steps correctly. I asked the lady at the green grocers for the 'that.... Thing..... Green.... No..... Yes..... Apple' (it was an avocado). Months of sorting our family home, learning to work with very little child care and heck, just being a mum, has taken its toll. I need to stop killing myself to cram more in to every last second of free time that I have. 

So I polished Betty to cheer me up and show her that I still loved her but took an entry off my To Do list. I added 'just breathe' instead. 

Playful Days

Most weeks seem to just shoot by so fast without me sharing what has kept us playful this week so let me correct that today with this post.

This week we have been....

....musical at Baby Bop. Playful Baby looks at Bea with a look that can only be described as pure love and we love the Beaver Dance. A great end to the week every time...

.... making things for our soon to arrive friends....

.... hunting for fairies, going on a Bear Hunt and giving up in favour of a picnic at Nature Play....

.... sharing some of my favourite places in London with the Playful Babe. The noises, the sights, the smells...

... and causing lots of mayhem and destruction. Being mobile opens a whole new avenue for house work that I never thought possible. Time to introduce the 'tidy up disco': hit play and get it all tidied by the end of the song. I'm hoping that it will catch on.

What's keeping you playful this week?

Knitting Love

Oh I have some wonders to tell you about. When yarns and great designers collide, magic happens, it really does. I FINALLY finished up some items, including blocking, weaving in ends and photographing, which almost never happens around here lately. So it's high time I waxed lyrical about a few things I've been working on. 

First there was the Uncommon Thread wonder yarn, Lush Worsted in 'Bois', 231 yards of MCN heaven. I bought this for a specific project way back in October when I pictured long knitting times as I started my maternity leave and waited for our baby's arrival. I chose Dryad by my knit crush, Jared Flood. Yum. Delicious cables, intricate details and wonderful bouncy yarn to work it up in. It was a challenge but that was ok. I was going to be impatient for an arrival, I'd be thankful for the distraction. Right?

Wrong.

It went to the frog pond 4 months after Playful Baby's arrival as I just admitted defeat. Cables and charts were not my friend when I barely had time to knit so I ripped it out and chose Setzer instead. It was still Jared, but a lot simpler and 'kinder on a frazzled mind' looking. Silly me forgot my deep seated loathing of wrap and turns but I'm quite pleased with the end result and know The Giant (its recipient) is too. You can see my Ravelry project notes here. 

I also finally, finally finished my long love affair with Plume by Lisa Mutch. I adore Lisa's designs as they are just so ME. I want to knit them, wear them and talk about them. They are simple, stylish and interesting enough to keep me happy while not being so mind bendingly complicated that I can only work on them in total silence for 15 minutes at a time. Lisa likes thoughtful construction that leads to effective results. I love that. 

I took two very beautiful yarns out of my stash for this knit. More Uncommon Thread, this time both fingering weights. The main body was knit in Posh Fingering in the 'Nimbostratus' colourway, and between the delicate grey and the lustrous silk and cashmere content in this yarn, I immediately loved this shawl. Once I added a bright Cerulean blue in Silky Merino Fingering, I knew that I was creating one of my all time favourite shawls. These yarns are exquisite and I think Ce is possibly a genius. 

It took nearly a year to knit and block but my god, I love it. I worked a few modifications that you can read about here to make the most of the yarn and make it my biggest shawl to date. I can't wait to wear this around me this autumn. I've barely taken pictures of it but I'm sharing already because I'm impatient and waiting 2 more days to take better pictures just might just kill me. 

New

A few things have changed in the Playful house that have meant for major changes rippling out into other areas of our lives. I can feel life tilting in a way that I hadn't quite expected. It's new and like all change, it takes some getting used to.

The first major change is that this years house renovation and DIY are drawing to a close at long last. A few loose ends and some weatherproofing outside before winter returns and we are done for a while. To say that I'm grateful is an understatement. This has dominated every week since we moved nearly a year ago and has ranged from catastrophic to mildly irritating. With the end of so much work comes more time to just enjoy ourselves and our time with family and friends. Having people over for dinner rather than drilling is much more fun.

The other change has been Playful Baby who continues to grow at an alarming rate. After months of holding her, nursing her, soothing her and being in near constant contact, she is starting to move further away and explore more independently. She now spends an entire morning a week with the Giant and one afternoon a week with my mum. This means a few scratches off my to do list and some working hours but also a lot of sitting and looking at colourful toys and feeling like the house is just a little too quiet and dull without her. 

As that to do list gets less full with items such as 'sand shelves', I start to reclaim some long lost items from my regular to do list. 'Block shawl' appeared this week and enticingly, 'record'. 

Life is changing. I wonder where it will take us over the next 9 months?