Magic Toe

So I've been doing a little knitting. Things have progressed a teeny bit and just as you would expect, if there is a hope of knitting in my day, I grab it and go!

The problem however, has been that I haven't been enjoying my WIPs. I've got to those loooooong rows in the shawl I'm making that just make me feel as if I'm stuck in a black hole. It's pretty but I want progress.

My socks are boring me to tears quite frankly. I'm working up Charade Socks by Sandra Park in Nerd Girl Yarns 'Shimma' in the 'sexy' colourway.  and I'm not in love to be perfectly honest. I'm finding the herringbone rib tedious and a little tight on my hands and the yarn base is not ideal. I've had two breaks already.

I'm on the first sock and was about to place them in time out for a while until I checked and..... Oh! I'm ready for the toe. Suddenly I'm knitting a whole new section and that's like a new project.

Kind of.....

Stay tuned for a giveaway coming very soon!

Many Moments

Wow

Can I just extend my most heartfelt thanks to every person who reached out after I published my last post? I have had a steady stream of cheer leading, mummy solidarity, personal stories and beautiful words. I'm so lucky to have you all as readers.

The thing that seemed to capture most people was the honesty. I want to be very clear: publishing this was so scary! I felt disloyal not publishing it though. A lack of podcast, recipes, crafting news all felt like a burden I had to confess to but to say it out loud? When other bloggers just seem to be perfection itself?

I hit publish anyway.

I hit it because I would have appreciated this level of honesty. I've been given advice ('oh she's totally aware of what she's doing'), cool indifference ('babies get sick') to unhelpful over optimism ('but being a mum is AMAZING' after 3 days of her screaming in pain in my arms). What I actually wanted was to be listened to and not judged.

I'm glad I wasn't judged here.

For now let's move away from my dark cloud and look at my little ray of sunshine. Its nice to be honest but I need a little distance from the dark too sometimes. So, some sunshine- Isn't she growing so big????

A Moment

Over the last few weeks a number of blog posts have been getting my attention. I've noticed a theme and I wanted to blog about it. It started off with a series of posts from Jasmin of Knitmore Girls fame over at Better than Yarn. Her return to herself has been lovingly documented after her first year as a mother. I nodded along, relieved at the honesty in her words.

I also love this post from Creative Mama. Why? Not because she turned chaos into creativity (although that is cool). It's because she said what I have increasingly started to feel as someone who used to blog and podcast regularly: it's all smoke and mirrors and when you're a mum, it's exhausting to keep that up.

When I found out I was expecting I had A PLAN of how to carry on. It went a bit squiffy when Playful Babe decided to try her best to come early. It was ok, I revised the plan with a NEW PLAN. I then exhausted myself upon her arrival trying to keep up with THE PLAN. I would be the all singing all dancing blogger and podcaster and a wonderful mother, fabulous partner and reliable friend. I had seen it on the interwebs, represented in perfectly shot pictures and beautifully written prose. Everyone else was apparently doing it so why couldn't I?

Around Christmas I stopped coping. I just about existed as it became increasingly clear that all was not well with Playful Baby. She didn't settle, she screamed when nursing, she never (ever, ever) wanted to be anywhere other than my arms. In moments of calm she giggled and explored but there was always a wariness as if something was about to spoil her moment.

In January she began nursing strike. For those who don't know this is when a baby refuses to feed. Not only can this have immediate dire effects for the baby but it also means the body stops producing as much milk as it no longer has the feedback to do so.

My life became a ticking clock: how long can we go on? Can I get her to feed? For how many minutes? And seconds? How long before my body just stops providing the milk she needs?

I knew a bottle wasn't the answer. She clung to me for comfort and in the small hours of morning would wake to nurse beautifully, calmly and returned to sleep with a contented snore. I'd lie with her in my arms, stroking her hair and be thankful that I didn't give up.

We have now confirmed silent reflux, a venomous product of an immature digestive system burning stomach acid back up the throat. We've done everything: positioning, careful nursing, medicines, osteo, massage. I worked hard to keep my milk supply up, myself sane and hoped against hope I wouldn't lose those beautiful calm feeds. Slowly her weight has picked up and she's feeding better about half of the time. The reason I was reluctant to switch her feeds to a bottle were confirmed: the gush of milk was hurting her which was why at night when she suckled sleepily, it hurt less. A bottle would hurt her tummy.

We have a long way to go and reading these two honest bloggers has encouraged me to say that my life is not always playful. I will dance and sing whenever I can but life is damn hard when you have a teeny baby and the seeming perfection being floated around on the inter ether is not helping women like me cut themselves some slack when things are far from perfect.

It's ok to look at tough times as well as perfect photo opportunities. It's ok to admit that while you want desperately to do it all, you can't. It is ok to say life will see me getting me back to the all singing all dancing podcaster.

Just not yet. I'm staying right in this moment with her.

Episode 41: Add Title Later

A Playful Day is kindly sponsored by Superknits. Please show your support for our playful friend by clicking on the link above- go on, spoil yourself!!!.

A Playful Day is also kindly sponsored by NorthboundKnitting, uniquely hand dyed yarn, spinning fibre and modern knitting designs. Please show your support for our playful friend by clicking on the link above.

A Playful Day is proudly sponsored by Candy Skein, hand dyed yarns sweet enough to eat! Please support our playful friend by supporting the banner above.

Show notes:

Thanks to Hoxton from The Electric Sheep Podcast Maria from Subway Knits,and Deborah from the SavvyGirls podcast for guest appearances.

Off the Needles
Dashing by Cheryl Niamath, in Artesano Aran in the Oak colourway. 

On The Needles
Plume by Lisa Mutch in The Uncommon Thread in The Uncommon Thread Posh Fingering in the 'Nimbostratus' Colourway and Silky Merino Fingering in 'Cerulean' Colourway.
Charade Socks by Sandra Park in Nerd Girl Yarns 'Shimma' in the 'sexy' colourway. 

Purloined
From The KnitmoreGirls Podcast, a report from Unravel
Goodies from Fyberspates,John Arbon and Wendy Fowler Pottery.

Mini Knits
Magic Coffee Baby Hat by Tracey Kay 
Linnie by Justyna Lorwowska
Sock Yarn Sweater by Hannah Fettig
Bella by Dani Sunshine
Aviatrix baby hat by Justine Turner 

Quynn by Woolly Wormhead

Close Knits Striped Booties by Sarah Owens

  

Songs:

Fly, Fly, Fly by Adrina Thorpe, available on Music Alley
Yesterday's Gone by Kim Jarrett, available on Music Alley .

Contact me at: aplayfulday@gmail.com
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The Random Number Generator Speaks Once More....

.... And decreed that post number 41 has won. Congratulations to Kendra, you have won an ecopy of BotanicalKnits by Alana Dakos! Please send me an email with your details at the usual address to claim your prize.

If you want to get your hands on a copy, don't forget you can visit Alana's website to order directly or for stockists.


Stay tuned for more features and giveaways, I've got some great ones lined up!